FREE EVENT Rebuilding "Niu"Relationship In the New Years
Photo by Maria Teneva on Unsplash
Last year was a strenuous one for my relationship with Dalida. We spent months living and working together, 24/7, struggling to share our space. We both felt suffocated at times, and we tip-toed around each other, in fear of triggering anger or disappointment. As a result, we adopted a very conflict-avoidant style of communication, which led to a very flat, over-polite, and flavorless connection between us.
We slowly drifted apart, to the point of an explosion last September. I remember staying at the hotel for a couple of weeks, feeling discouraged and depressed, as I gathered my last bits of courage to keep up with my professional obligations.
In addition, I was feeling ashamed for not being able to solve my relationship problems, particularly given all the tools I have. I was afraid of being judged by our community. We both felt miserable and wondered what was wrong with us.
In the end, we decided to use it as an opportunity to work on ourselves and sought external help.
Fast-forwarding, Dalida and I are still together; we are committed to showing up authentically; we developed trust that helps us express and receive feedback even when it is difficult; we support each other in knowing what each of us needs; we enjoy spending time together again.
We are not a perfect couple, and there are probably more storms to come, but we are more confident and optimistic about the future and the way to handle the storms.
We believe every couple has been through tough times, but a few talks about it, because there is a lot of shame.
Some people are surprised when they hear about our story because they think we should know better, having tools such as mindfulness, NVC, coaching skills on hand. Someone even told Dalida once “How come you are sad? You are a life coach”.
The truth is that the moment you enter a relationship, you leave your tools at the door. Relationships trigger things that are buried deep down. There is no tool in the world, however refined, that will guarantee you a peaceful, harmonious relationship, always and forever.
We want to break the silence and normalize the notion that all relationships come with unique challenges and require work. And no matter how much work you put in, there will still be triggers, and difficult emotions – welcome to the human world.
You can choose the easy way – leave the relationship – or you can accept that reality. (Note: This doesn’t apply to abusive relationships, in which case leaving the relationship all together may be the healthiest option.)
Having accepted that reality, we also claim that there is a bright side to it. Challenges can be opportunities for growth. As long as both partners are committed to learning and growing, you can use them as a stepping-stone to a deeper, more powerful, and authentic relationship. You can use them to get to know your partner and yourself better and to create your own ways of communication.
On Sunday, February 28th, we will share some insights based on our experience, around the topic of “Knowing What You Really Want In Your Relationship” with Matthew Castro on the topic of “The Secret of a Healthy Partnership” from the Great Human Connection, at Nugget.
Join us for an open discussion there, the event is free.
Please scan the QR cod in the poster below for registration.
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